To the asshole who stole my laptop,
By now you've had a chance to familiarize yourself with my corporate files, my secret projects, my personal photos, my purchased music, and my life. If you return my laptop to me in it's original condition, I will not press charges. However, if you do not turn it over, we will hunt you down like the filth you are.
Hell hath no fury like a sexy geek sans laptop.
Signed, Your new worst enemy
Hang in there, Ewan... mommy's doing all she can to get you back. We've filed reports with Air Canada and the police, and plan to also take this to the Canadian government for further inspection. If the bad man who stole you away from my arms wants you to work, don't. And, if you can email me our corporate files so we can file our tax returns with the government on time, please do.
Signed, Someone who loves and misses you dearly <3