I love Joss Whedon… I really do. But, unfortunately, his shows are as hit and miss as the Star Trek movies.

Tonight I finally got around to watching the pilot of Dollhouse – which I’ve been looking forward to for a long time – and was sadly disappointed. Here’s why Dollhouse wasn’t for the win:

1. Act 1, Scene 1: The opening scene was weak. Necessary, but weak. It’s important to see some background, but why not start the series with Echo being a doll and getting flashbacks revealing her background? You could then have shown the painful immorality of having to wipe her memories clean in order to make her function adequately. Oh wait, let me guess… saving that for an upcoming episode?
2. Characters: Pilot episodes should always leave a viewer feeling connected to the protagonist. Do I care about Echo? Not in the least… her memories are not hers, and once her mind is wiped clean, she has no recollection. Inconsequential.
3. Script: Whedon is usually whip-smart when it comes to dialogue, but since the dolls are mindless drones it makes it difficult to toss in pop culture references at all. I miss the Gilmore Girls-esque witty dialogue that was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer… (Rudy informs me that Firefly had its’ moments as well – I, myself, hated didn’t appreciate the show).
4. The fluff: Five bucks says that FOX told Whedon to sex it up. And action it up. The second scene in the pilot with the motorcycle race and the techno dance party was obviously just there to draw mindless male drones in to watch the show. Fail.

There is a lesson to be learned here… in all pilots, including web series:

• Create engaging characters; characters that viewers can identify with from your first episode.
• Write a script focusing on your best talents; in Whedon’s case, it was comedy.
• Keep it real; don’t force the sexy or the action if completely unnecessary to the plot.
• Leave your audience feeling like they’ve seen a complete story unfold, while teasing them with slices of a larger story arc.

Though I’m disappointed in the pilot, I’ll keep watching and give it a chance. After all, that’s what I did with Enterprise… and it ROCKED by the third season! [Sigh] I just hope I don’t have to wait that long…

And, Joss, if you’re reading this, you’ve written some of my absolute favorite things in the past and I have every confidence you’ll do it again. Go wipe your memory Dollhouse-style, and forget you ever read this silly little blog post ;)